Flashback: but he had a rat tail…

I have told you once and I will tell you all again, I SWEAR I am trying to be a more open person but there are just certain things  I like about a guys appearance. One of those things is nice hair…. Not partially nice hair… And not partially nice hair you hide the ugly part in your photos….

I can’t even remember this guys name, not that I will ever be listing names on here, but the fact that he was so undistinguished in my mind actually blows my mind.  Sometimes I forget he even was a thing for a hot minute only because of my fabulous old roommate who loves to remind me of him… Thanks Hun! (Not).

We started talking online of course and he was average just like the serial killer guy. He was nothing special in looks but he was alright. He seemed super trendy and hipster and that obviously caught my eye since I am so trendy sometimes and I found his hair decent.Now there are a few things I tend to notice in a guys first:

  • His eyes- I love men with beautiful colored eyes. It’s my downfall I swear.
  • His hair- I’m a sucker for a nice hair style…on the occasion I do go for men with long hair. Depends on how you take care of it. 
  • If your shoes match your outfit. This is my photography side that comes out but I can’t stand it when people’s shoes don’t at least fit with their outfit (yes it’s weird and anal).
  • And his legs- mostly calves. I them toned don’t skipped days boys!

So this guy had decent hair (check), pretty blue eyes ( check), his shoes matched ( check), his legs were too skinny but I could survive that. So I was like alright let’s give this a shot. 

We started talking and he was very sarcastic and then we started joking around about how bad I wanted ice cream and he was like oh well how bout I bring you some? Naturally I was like damn right bring me some ice cream!

But then my safe side came in and I was like…. Hmm… I know! If he’s a serial killer I’ll bring my roommate down with me. Went into my roommate room forced him to come hang out in the living room with me and wait for this random guy to bring me (hopefully not poisoned) ice cream. 

Then comes the knock on the door, and I open the door to see this guy…. Who… Looks NOTHING like his photos online. I see this trendy hipster, whose shoes do not match his outfit, who has a rat tail down to his ass and this mop of hair that looks like it hadn’t been brushed in ten years. He’s wearing a Star Wars shirt and looks as though he hadn’t showered in 4 days. 

I had no idea what to do, so I looked to my roommate who was trying so hard not to laugh he had to look at the ground. I had to take action as I knew right then and there this guy and I weren’t about to work out. He then invited himself into my apartment, sits on my couch with this dead stare in his eyes… And says….

“I much enjoy the interior of your humble abode…however…it would be better with Star Wars stuff and less of your girly shit. Oh, here’s your ice cream by the way.

at this point, my roommate looks thoroughly terrified and like he’s about to pee his pants laughing at me. So I say the first thing that comes to mind, I say, 

“hey it’s getting late and I know you just got here but I have to get to bed soon…sorry…. Oh and thanks for the ice cream…”

He gets up and goes and opens the door, and says 

“Nice to meet you I guess.” 

And walks down the stairs. That is how I saved myself from cutting someone’s hair off without their permission.


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