Flashback: Taco Bell Guy

Let’s get back to the funny stuff, the good shit! This title is a bit misleading I suppose… We call him Taco Bell guy. Yes he has a name but no he didn’t work at Taco Bell. 

We met online (per usual) and he was all about taking me out like before we even got to know each other. As I stated earlier I am a sucker for pretty eyes, well that’s about all he had… Honestly… 

So I agree to go out with him and I ask him where he would like to go. He says well I’m kinda broke… And I say okay is there somewhere cheap you’re down with? And he says sure how bout Taco Bell? 

And at first I’m like aight I do like me some Taco Bell but then I’m like what a weird place for a date right ? Passive aggressive me kicks in and says sure I’ll meet you there. 

During this time in my life I was all about bailing out on dates last minute especially after the last couple I’m sure you can understand why right ?! So I’m sitting in my living with one of my best friends and I have almost made my mind up about bailing out and just hanging out at home and watching supernatural and drinking wine and being calm and composed and she goes… NOPE. This bitch drives my ass to Taco Bell and sits there till Taco Bell guy arrives and then makes me go. THANKS MOM. 

So we say hi, introduce ourselves, awkward blah blah… We get inside and I order… And he makes me pay for my own food. So I’m like well so much for free date… Or free food but whatever. We go to sit down and he picks the smallest most a Awkward table ever. 

We start talking and start eating and he just sits there staring at me while I eat. Have you ever had someone just sit and stare at you while you bite into a burrito? It’s so incredibly horrible and uncomfortable…  I didn’t.. No wait, I COULDN’T even finish my food. 

He never says a word! So finally I’m like hey could you take me home I got some things to do if that’s cool. We get in the car and he FINALLY says something! He says ” do you like dubstep?” 

Umm no. No I do not because heavy bass that repeats the same beat over and over again makes me sleepy. I’m weird don’t judge me. 

I say no, he turns the music up & drives me home. I don’t know why he asked like had I said yes would he have turned it down? I will never know. 

I get home. Tell my friend she’s a bitch. She laughs and we discuss and I say alright maybe he’s shy. Maybe he’s awkward. I say one more time I’ll try if he asks me. So naturally I jinxed myself and he asks me. I said yes everyone calm down.

So this time:  we headed to DENNYS! And no just any dennys, a dennys in the most hood part of town. Like the part of town that has all the hookers and gangsters. The drugs dealers and drug addicts. You want it? This part of town has it. I was like well I might die but fuck it. Let’s see how this plays out.

We get inside and it smells of rotting fish. I order a sandwich he orders breakfast. This how bad this date went alright ? I TIMED how long this date was. 

  • Got there at 7 pm. 
  • Ordered food by 7:05
  • Received food by 7:15 
  • I made light conversation hoping he would engage by 7:20
  • Finished food by 7:30
  • Paid and left by 7:45 

A 45 minute date! So I’m sure you’re wondering how this ended right ? He paid this time ($20 meal, I am a cheap date clearly), walked me to my car (which was nice since we were in the hood), and then he goes 


So is it cool if I kiss you? 

And before I could say no this guy just jumps at my face so hard my mouth hurt! I was like pull away and said so sorry I have to leave. I left and said bye. 

Got home he texted me for a week straight, I told him I wasn’t interested !, and he still refused to listen. He insisted we be friends.

He’s on my snapchat. That’s as far as or friendship has gone right now. No more Taco Bell dates for me.


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