Flashback: Return of the Krispy Kreme guy..

Yes, you read that correctly, he’s back.

Now let’s take a moment to remember something, at this point I was still in my recent withdraws of my birth control. You could say I was attempting a “slut phase” if you will. ATTEMPT: keyword

So he’s back guys!  I was sitting there one day, having sex withdrawals according to my brain, and I was like alright who else will have sex with me ?! You could say I was lazy. I wanted to make this easy for me, I didn’t wanna work for the sex I just wanted it to come to me! I still think it should just come to me. 

So I remembered our bad date, I weighed the pros and cons of having sex with him, and then my vagina said do it ! I call him up and I don’t even hesitate. I say 

“Hey it’s Brianna, cancel your plans, come over and let’s do it.”

And he’s like 

“Be there in 10. Want me to bring some weed?”

And I’m like 

“Umm I don’t care ? Just be here.”

Real aggressive when I’m sex crazed apparently. I just give orders and don’t take no for an answer… Wish I was always this aggressive geez. 

So I’m waiting, I change into the least amount of clothes without being naked. He finally shows up and he of course is stoned outta his mind. So we sit on the couch and he’s like let’s watch a movie and cuddle first. 

Now I’m sitting there like umm no we should just get down the business. So I turn on the tv and this motherfucker chooses Lilo & Stich… Like what an awkward movie to watch when all I wanna do is bang. 

He starts awkwardly massaging my back and i instantly became awkward because his fingers are so bony! He’s so skinny and I knew had we continued easing into sex I was going to back out soon. 

So I turn and grab his face and we start making out and finally! So we move from the couch to the bed and we get the condoms ( because safe sex bitches) and he thrusts ONCE! TWICE! 

And stops… And says… 

“I can’t have sex with a condom on.”

And I sit there and stare at him contemplating a nice way to say fuck you. Finally I say 

“Then we aren’t having sex.”

And he sits… Ponders what I’ve said… He sits there so long I could see his stoner brain moving. It was like Krispy Kreme all over again. Like he couldn’t figure out a response to my words! 

He says … ” well let’s just finish each other in other ways” 

I agree thinking with my vagina whose like let’s just get off already. 

So I get him off and then I’m like alright my turn finally and he goes

” man that was great… Did you have a good time? I’m so tired I think I’m going to sleep here tonight.”

And I was… FURIOUS! I could have punched him in the dick if I wasn’t so shocked at what just happened. So I don’t reapond. I get up, grab some shorts, text my roommate and say

“You call me and pretend your drunk then Ima come get you.”

He agrees. He calls. I tell Krispy Kreme guy he has to leave and this asshole has he audacity to think he’s staying he night ! He says 

“Oh I’ll wait for you here ! We can cuddle when you get back!”

Jaw dropped I say 

“No you have to leave . I have shit to do tomorrow. Byeeee”

He reluctantly leaves and says 

“So I’ll see you tomorrow?”

I shake my head 

“No… No you won’t but have a nice night.”

And I pretend to go pick my roommate up and drive around the block and then come home and slept. 

And I closed that chapter FOR GOOD. We haven’t talked in almost 3 years thankfully! 


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