I totally forgot to tell you… he came back…. out of fucking nowhere!
I was re reading this thing the other day thinking to all my failures in the dating world and how a lot of them seem to be reoccurring issues. Things I can CLEARLY change if I just focused on them right? People I don’t ACTUALLY need to be with and I know that probably from the start of my bad dates but then I do them anyways because well “curiosity killed the cat” and ladies and gentleman I am the cat for sure.
So condom man… wow.. let me tell you how completely unexpected and blindsided I was…
the only way to describe my shock is take the story of when my ex came back to town and showed up at my work– okay now times that by 3. I seem to have a lot of people coming back into my life and it’s usually at during weird times in my life. So he came back around January- ish and He hit me up like he would and he was like
“Hey are you still living in those same old apartments?”
and I was like– no sir, I am in a different valley now also why the fuck are you texting me!? ( maybe that’s not how it really went but it was like that in my head). so he proceeds to tell me he is in town and he can’t stop thinking about me and wants to meet up for a drink at the bar up the street from where I used to live.
And in my head… I am like… you just wanna fuck.
you just wanna see if I am still hot in your eyes.
you just wanna be a dick.
I just wanna be a dick?
I just wanna see if you have changed?
well you were a good lay… maybe….
yes, all of that went through my head in a matter of seconds. I think on it… and I decide… ya know what? Fuck it~
It’s been 2 years since I have seen or spoken to the guy and if anything I can have sex with him.
I meet up with him at the bar, we start talking about life and where we have been and who we have done and it was fine but I quickly realize he is exactly the same if not more sad and drunk now a days. I decide – Quick Lay- and call it good. I tell him good night and head home, I text him when I get home– that leads into some sexting and stuff in which he tells me he is now currently into the whole Dom and Sub thing… in which if you had seen my face you would know i was dying with laughter.
I say ” so which are you? the Dom or the Sub”
And he gets defensive and says ” the Dom of course!”
and I think – typical males- can’t be the subs even when the girl isn’t the submissive type of female. I tell him I don’t think i am a submissive type of girl.. and he says ” well would you be willing to try” and I say “fuck it lets try” and say tomorrow you should come over.
He says what time- then says he has practice for a play he is directing- I say it will be quick and we call it good.
THE NEXT DAY———————–>
He comes over and I had literally just got out of the shower.
We run up to my room, we start making out and all the normal BS except I totally forgot he wanted me to be a submissive! So then things get weird.
He starts like turning me on my side and like trying these weird positions and then keeps asking me what I want to do but in this creepy whisper of a voice.
So I tell him and then he goes ” no not yet” and I just sit there thinking… you’re not being dominant and you’re just pissing me off now. I try to take control but then I remembered I was going to actually try to be a submissive human haha.
We get through the awkward foreplay and he turns me over and we are going at it doggy style and he is going so… fucking…. slow…. that…. I…. am…. just… sitting there wishing I was anywhere but in that situation.
I finally get fed up and tell him he needs to go faster or harder or something! Anything so I can feel SOMETHING!? and he doesn’t listen- So I took over the situation and then before I can get into it… he fucking came.
My life… is so ridiculous.
I mean… I think i make the same mistakes at least 10 or 15 times in a row before I realize how stupid I am.
I gotta stop letting my hormones talk for me sometimes.
So “we” finish and I get dressed and I am like–
“well looks like you have to go now… have a good practice and safe trip home”
And we haven’t spoken again – thank goodness.
I am thankfully nowhere near him now since I am in Texas not Nevada.
I also blocked his number– we will not have a Chapter 4 this motherfucker.